Some take lawyering just a little too far...
"You may not have known that a firm of our
relatively small size had a Regulatory Compliance
Team, but even firms of our size have to comply with Federal Law.
In fact, the reason we did not do a mailing this
year has to do with changes in the law regarding
the nature and types of messages and holiday
greetings that are allowed. Blame the government
if you want, but the greeting here, at least, is
in compliance with the new law.
Of course, (name), (name) and I did not want the
holiday season to go by unremarked, so here is
our Federally approved holiday greeting.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or
implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally
conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the
winter solstice holiday, practiced within the
most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices
of your choice, with complete and due respect for
the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, including of course, with
absolutely equal respect, their choice not to
practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated wish to you and yours in
recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due
respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not to imply that
America is necessarily greater than any other
country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western
hemisphere, and certainly, by these caveats, not
to imply that America isn’t great) and without
regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical
ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
(Note - By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:
- This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
- This greeting is freely transferrable
with no alteration to the original greeting.
- This greeting implies no promise by the
wisher to actually implement any of the wishes
for you, yours, your heirs and/or assigns etc, or
others, and even her/himself, and is void where
prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
- This wish is warranted to perform as
expected within the usual application of good
tidings for a period of one year, or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
whichever comes first, and such warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance
of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Best Wishes ABC Law"
Perhaps it's simpler to just say what you mean!